blue

what is blue? blue is a beatiful color. many things with blue color relaxing people's mind. we love blue. but, we'll find another meaning of blue in dictionary. what it is? blue means sad. so, why we love blue? because we love the times when we were sad. sadness makes people think how weak they are, and think about something little that oftenly out of our eyes' reach. something that only can be revealed by feelings. and sadness makes us think how precious friends are. we love blue!

why be harm if warm is better?

what is the most beautiful thing shown by people? it's smile! smile is one of the God's biggest gift to human being. so why be harm? warmth makes people feel calm, then the angels will draw a curved line below human's nose, or smile for short. some people harm the others, they just don't thank to God, they are so evil. something harm makes evils smile. harm people smile. therefore they are evil. we won't be evils, right? think

bitter

it's bitter, when they throw their faces away from us. please, don't be that mad, i know i'm not that good, but please, apreciate everything i've done. i just, and always wanted to make you smile, believe me. i know everything's different now, but can't you? i never feel better. for every bad thing i've done, i'm  so sorry, but let your smiles paid my every effort for you. please understand how bad the ill my heart feel for times

everyone's changing around the time

everyone's good. everyone i know is nice. big smiles for them, especially for the ones i loved. i'm glad to know them, smiles never absent since their arrival to my heart-port. but, as i sail the times, everyone's changing. but they're still good, never be bad. i mess it, i screwed their feelings, bad me. i am cry-baby, i am a 'presser', i just can't be good for them, whereas i never wanted to let them feel bad, i always wanted to make their lips curved into a smile, please believe me. and please, be the old-you

doesn't it?

everything i do, doesn't attract you, doesn't it?

everything i do, doesn't attract you, doesn't it?

everything i do, doesn't attract you, doesn't it?

everything i do, doesn't attract you, doesn't it?

everything i do, doesn't attract you, doesn't it?

whereas, i really wanted you to cought up what i wanted for looooong times. i beg on you, hey. i've told you before, i won't be mad. it's a pleasure if you understand, just don't be mad. i'm truly worried

can't i? can't we?

someone said, "past sometimes feel much better than present, although we had study much from our fails" i absolutely damn agree with that. although i had many problems, although past might hurt me more, but i miss many times when i had no her. absolutely on march, until july 2009. i miss the times when my friends always said "move on!" all the times. i miss the times when i had to strugle so bad, when everything had happened urge my tears to come out, when i should lock myself in my room without light at all. some old songs always made my brain remembering the old things that had happened. makes me wrote this, yes, i miss the old times. i miss many events, i miss some people, i miss something that can't be explained by words, it only me, who knows what exactly is. although some say that i'm great to had her, it's not that good for me. what i had on the miserable moments before, sometimes are better than the times i should be happier as would be the others think. God, get me back! can't i? can't we?

it's cool, right?

imagine, every single house around the world has trees, and everyone can enjoy the bright sunny day decorated by the beauty of clouds' dance. it's cool, right?

everything seems different

2008 and 2009 seems different, soooo different. but, i can't find which is better. what i could feel in 2008, can't i feel in 2009, so do the other way. different people, different way, feel, act, attention. they're just great, even too great. the one can provides me smile, so do the another one. sometimes, their silhouettes just pushed my brain to work so bad, even urge the tears behind eyes out. everything i can do, and i just do, is get my pillows, hug them, then thinking, and remembering. i  can't find myself as a good person, really. "if i were a good person, it's impossible for her to leave me" it's really hard, for sure, damn sure. they give me different memories, they leave me no words. now, thing i can do is just keeping the new person, and be good to the another one before. a thing to remember, there's no "better one", they're just too great for troublesome-me

a month passed!

august 25 2009, until today, september 25 2009! a month passed, we know each other deeper, we try to understand more, and love more more more! dear FZK, i love you so sweet!

another DRS-FZK

another diary "old thing seems repeated"

the most terrifying thing for me is being neglected by someone who i loved the most. but, i often feel like they're just belittle it. today, i feel the same thing i just felt few months ago. oh God, the words i really want to hear is "i love you" and "i care about you", for real. by your power, dear God, strength'en me more. and make them realize that i needed their <3 for sure

monsters had feeling too

see? monsters had feeling too. so why we bury ours? just spread them out, let the others know. it feels much better!

all i want to write when i see a blank paper

loneliness makes crazy

i'm seeking you through the world, and found nothing

where are you, oh dearest dear? are you hiding?

oh, i see you! you're hiding behind the beating thing

it's my heart! whoa, what are you doing there?

get out from there, dear! you're just make it worse

you make it beating faster and faster! i'll die in seconds!

what? you don't wanna go? why? oh, i think i know

you're just scared of outworld, right? scared of indeterminancy

okay, relax dear. you can count on me. i will keep you there

just give me your warmth, love, and a lot of smiles!

i'll make you feel there's no more loneliness in your heart!

okay? because i'll never happy before

-drs

i wish

i oftenly wish, everytime i wish
you'll never throw anything away from me
'cause i worry about you everytime
i'm scared you leave me no words


what can i do?
if you leave me far
then i had no one to cared of
i hope everything's good everytime


the room i used to cry
is no longer good to me
because i need you, dear
not a pillow


i know you know, that
i love you for real
i just can't be so good
that you really want to


but i always wish
i can be good for you
i can love you more each time
i care about everything you feel


'cause every word you say
realizes me that i should
care about you, love you
listen to your screams


i wish you understand
that i wrote this
hoping so much
you'll really care